Trust

Is it the nature of females to turn on one another? When I was growing up I seldom had any female friends. Even as a little girl I found that I could hardly ever trust members of my own sex. They were mean, spiteful, and always trying to hurt others. Why? Even now, as a grown up I find It is a very rare thing for me to have a trusting relationship with other women. Is that another reason I have been drawn to derby? Am I looking for a mythical creature when I want to find a female friend who won't play me the fool just to look good to other females?

In a word, yes. And I have been very lucky. I have found not 1 or 2 but quite a few of those fabled creatures. Most are just like me, they shied away from female friendships growing up, if you ask them they would say "I was a tomboy."

What is so unfortunate is that what I have found in derby seems to be rare everywhere else I look. Especially in the work place. I have said somethings to fellow employees in confidence only to have my words thrown back at me. The worst part is this person has heard the same thing from other employees but because I do not fit into her circle I am the one who is singled out, brought to the front to pay for my views. I'm sorry that I am one of many who feel the way I do. I am sorry that the environment in which I work is not supportive of a positive attitude.

Today I'll admit, I lied, I lied when I said I would change the way I look at my job. I lied when I said I will come to work with a positive attitude. I will come in and keep my mouth shut. I will do what is required of me, keep my opinions to myself, but most of all, I will have learned my lesson. Do not trust anyone.