Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Small but forgotten facts and 1 huge reason

In 2007 I joined a roller derby team...Fact

In 2008 a few skaters left, some due to relocation, others due to the actions and accusations of a single skater...Fact (ask the skaters who left.)

In 2009 more skaters left, again due to relocation and the actions, and accusations of the same skater who caused the discord the previous year.

Now it is 2010 and I am leaving the team. It was my turn to be targeted by this skater. I have been accused of intentionally trying to hurt my teammates on the track.
I have been lied to about quite a few things. When I confronted the person who lied to me along with the people she named as sources, or people she told the lie to, I was told I was a bully who needed an audience to perform in front of.
I was told that the only reason no one else would tell me they thought I tried to hurt someone on the track is because they were afraid I would try and hurt them next.

Even after the accusations were thrown at me I continued to skate, to skate my heart out, but I was not having fun any more. How can you have fun when with every hit you deliver, every hip check that sends someone off their skates you have to see someone shaking their head and muttering under their breath. Who else is she telling these lies to? Who else is she lying about because they pose some imagined threat to her?

How can I skate with someone who does not trust me? How can I skate with someone who thinks I am going to intentionally hurt her? How can I skate with someone who is telling my teammates that the only reason I am leaving is because I am against her and that I do not want to see her or the league succeed?

The joke of it is, if I truly wanted to see her or the league fail, I would stay and point out every lie, every wrong action. I however can not do that. At the start of the season the team did not have enough money in the bank to hold a home bout. I made the decision that what the team needed and still needs is someone who lives close, someone who can approach sponsors, and someone who has raised large amounts of money for the team. That person is not and was not me. I live over an hour from where we play so I could not make the rounds. I am a good teacher, a good skater, and a good player, but what good is being able to teach others if we do not have the place to teach or play.

So contrary to what this skater said recently, she IS the reason I am leaving. There are other smaller reasons as well, but the biggest influence in my decision to leave the sport that has taken over my life for the past three years is one paranoid person who can not seem to see past herself.