So where are they now...

Hello friends and family,
I have just finished my second semester of school. My first semester I did really well. I was a few credits shy of being full time and I had an A in 2 classes and a B in the third.

This semester I had 3 classes, and was a full time student. I liked my Chem class, but did lousy on the tests. Luckily the homework and lab work made up for that and I came out of the class with a B. I had an A in another class and unfortunately I had a really hard time in my Algebra II class. The teacher expected us to know everything he taught already. During one class he used an equation from geometry and I asked him, "How were we supposed to know this if we have never taken geometry?" His answer, "Well, I guess you are outta luck then." yeah, hated this class. I luckily passed with a C so I don't have to re-take it, but it brought my average down. To get into my Respiratory program I need to have a high average in order to compete for the open seats.

I am already registered for a full course load for the Fall. I have 3 weeks before classes start on the 23rd of Aug. It is going to be a heavy load, but hopefully I can do it. I am interested in the classes so that should make it easier.

The way I dealt with frustration last year became the source of frustration this year. I left my roller derby team this past June. I have now been off skates for over 2 months and I hate it. I thought that the reason I left the team had been taken care of, unfortunately, it wasn't. Shortly after I left the team I was approached by several friends from other leagues, one even joked about when were we going to move so we could join them.

After weeks of beating myself up for even thinking about what I considered a traitorous act I made a decision. I realized that what I had been considering my team no longer was my team. Sure I had friends and girls I considered family on the league, but they were and are no longer a team. So, I am going to be stepping up my game, even though I really don't care about the competitiveness of the sport, I still want to play. I am going to be attending practices and skating with the closest WFTDA league.

More to come in the near future, I promise, the next post won't be too far behind. I said it before I have plans in the works, multiple plans, this is only one...stay tuned for the fruits of my labors.

Just treading water

I was discouraged, I was brought low. I have been accused of hurtful things. My name has been drug through the mud.

I have been lifted, honored, and supported.

There will be a 90 day waiting period to see if there are any changes. If there are, I can return, if the change does not happen, I will follow a different fork in my path.

Thank you to all who have supported me, knowing you love me and are behind me means much. Thank you to those who have honored me with offers of acceptance. You are are the ones who are keeping my head above water while I swim through the rapids.

Small but forgotten facts and 1 huge reason

In 2007 I joined a roller derby team...Fact

In 2008 a few skaters left, some due to relocation, others due to the actions and accusations of a single skater...Fact (ask the skaters who left.)

In 2009 more skaters left, again due to relocation and the actions, and accusations of the same skater who caused the discord the previous year.

Now it is 2010 and I am leaving the team. It was my turn to be targeted by this skater. I have been accused of intentionally trying to hurt my teammates on the track.
I have been lied to about quite a few things. When I confronted the person who lied to me along with the people she named as sources, or people she told the lie to, I was told I was a bully who needed an audience to perform in front of.
I was told that the only reason no one else would tell me they thought I tried to hurt someone on the track is because they were afraid I would try and hurt them next.

Even after the accusations were thrown at me I continued to skate, to skate my heart out, but I was not having fun any more. How can you have fun when with every hit you deliver, every hip check that sends someone off their skates you have to see someone shaking their head and muttering under their breath. Who else is she telling these lies to? Who else is she lying about because they pose some imagined threat to her?

How can I skate with someone who does not trust me? How can I skate with someone who thinks I am going to intentionally hurt her? How can I skate with someone who is telling my teammates that the only reason I am leaving is because I am against her and that I do not want to see her or the league succeed?

The joke of it is, if I truly wanted to see her or the league fail, I would stay and point out every lie, every wrong action. I however can not do that. At the start of the season the team did not have enough money in the bank to hold a home bout. I made the decision that what the team needed and still needs is someone who lives close, someone who can approach sponsors, and someone who has raised large amounts of money for the team. That person is not and was not me. I live over an hour from where we play so I could not make the rounds. I am a good teacher, a good skater, and a good player, but what good is being able to teach others if we do not have the place to teach or play.

So contrary to what this skater said recently, she IS the reason I am leaving. There are other smaller reasons as well, but the biggest influence in my decision to leave the sport that has taken over my life for the past three years is one paranoid person who can not seem to see past herself.