Thursday, April 29, 2010

Who moved my cheese

Or was the title of the book, Someone moved my cheese. I really don't recall. All I know is it was on the recommended reading list from a former employer. When all was said and read, the story boiled down to change. Even if it is not what you want you must be ready for change.

After 3 wonderful years I am making a major change in my life. I, sadly, am leaving roller derby. My heart is breaking just thinking about it. I have grown so much because of this sport. Three years ago my life was spent going to work and coming home, half of the time Jake was here, the other half he was at work. My days melted into one another, the sides of the rut I was in stretched above my head for what seemed like an eternity.

Roller derby was the ramp to the light. I rearranged my work schedule so I could learn this sport, so I could make friends that had nothing to do with my husband or work. Within a year it consumed me. I was having a blast and taking names. Heck, I even gave myself a new one.

The team is in it's third season now, only four of the girls are still there from when I started back in 2007. I have seen so many women leave, some relocated, others just left. Now it is my turn to step away. My life is now turning toward a new direction. I need to focus on school, finding a new source of income, and finding a place where I do not feel the need to explain myself, or defend myself.

I wish I was the type of person who didn't care what others thought of me. I wish I was strong enough to let the hurt run off my back like water on a duck. I'm not. And so I will be the smart mouse who has her sneakers tied and draped over her shoulders. I will be the bigger person and embrace the change. I will move on with my life and leave. Know this though, when the cheese disappears, or becomes moldy, I will have found a new plate to dine from.

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